Okay okay okay okay okay!
In June it will mark my one-year anniversary of moving to Utah and I am so excited I can hardly contain it!
I'm not going to lie...I didn't update for forever because of a mishap which took place and left me rather scarred and afraid of logging in.
Great news is I'm over that. I've forgiven the offending party and I'm moving on.
...better yet...? I've got my magic back. The thing I haven't felt in years has finally returned...that spark in my soul, that pure peace, and that invincibility I felt when I first moved here are all back. I'm not afraid of nasty comments or death threats any longer, horrid as getting those might be, I've actually come to realize that I serve a God who wouldn't ever allow any harm to come to me. If He could protect me from what happened last summer, then I know He can protect me from anything else. I was stupid to ever doubt him.
Guys...I'm finally free. That's the most important thing. I moved away from my abusive family. I put my foot down so many times last year and more importantly, I finally learned how to stop myself from being abused and taken advantage of. I am free. Not a day goes by that I don't leap out of bed and thank God for doing that for me. Sure, it was absolute hell getting out of all of those abusive relationships, but I did it and I survived. That's why I'm writing this. I want to offer you the same hope. It's hard to be trapped in something like that, but I'm living proof that it can be done and you can recover. ...especially if someone as bitter and afraid as me can do it. I'm no longer bitter and afraid. It really does get better, I promise.
I've also beaten my crippling anxiety. Three times last year I had anxiety/panic attacks that I thought would actually kill me. ...and honestly, they do feel like you're dying. Oh my gosh...it's like having a heart-attack and a stroke at the same time, only you can't sleep or hold still and it feels like you're being crushed. Yeah, they're a horrid thing to go through, but you can survive them too.
And the magic... I know you know it's there. It's what makes your soul feel RIGHT when you're near to the people you love and you're doing things that make you feel at home.
I've found my comfort in bright colors, space, pretty weather, and making art. That's another reason I'm writing. I know this site has its ups and downs, but don't let other people run you away from what you love, okay?
I solved a really incredible mystery and will hopefully have my findings posted in a scholarly journal thanks to one of my magnificent professors. I landed an incredible job with what has to be the best group of bosses and co-workers alive. God has done all this for me because I was able to let go of my bitterness and focus on what was important.
I have Shayla and Amanda to thank for keeping me alive and afloat, and God to thank for putting them in my life and keeping me away from evil.
...now, it's not all peach-candy, I'm sure you know this. I'm still having terrible luck with boys (as in I only fall for the ones who clearly deserve better and aren't interested), I'm still pretty stressed, I had to take a semester off of college because of a scholarship mishap, and my last computer died, so now I have to re-install my tablet and drivers. D: ...when the install CD is still back in Texas...
...but it's okay because I'm okay and God is going to make sure I stay okay.
I love you all so much. I've missed all of you and you should leave me a message in the comments telling me how you've been, because I want to talk to all of you guys, but I really don't know where to start.
Expect art as soon as I can get my tablet back up and running! (Maybe the sewing machine too...that's still stuck in Texas, but I want to do some more sewing and deco the minute I can!)
Wish me luck! I'm going to seek a publisher for my novel this year and I'm also starting a comic series.
I'm a queen now, after all. I have business to take care of and I couldn't do that without your guidance and help, right?
Let's make this year magical, everyone. (For those of you who see the journal anyway... *cough cough* I hope you're all still there) I love you.
...and it's good to be back...